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When I was young and out with the boys, we would all agree that "women" should come with instructions. But on second thought, we decided that was the wrong way to go, as men never actually read the instructions.

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When life throws things at you, I was in the habit of ducking so it could hit someone else.

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It should be okay for a woman to be able to talk about her last husband, but you are really in trouble when they start talking about their next husband.

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Wow, June and I have a deal. We are going on a free trip to Lost Wages, which includes money to gamble. It is paid for by the inheritance that our children are expecting from us.

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Wife June has come up with a solution to family harmony as it requires three things: patience, understanding and, most importantly, at least two TV sets.

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I like the subdued weather reporting I occasionally encountered in Florida: "Our weather today, sun in the morning, partly cloudy in the afternoon, followed by a hurricane."

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Again, in Florida, there was a quaintly called bar-lounge, "the Crow Bar.” I asked about the name from a local and his answer was it was a place for old crows to have place of their own, thus, "The Crow Bar."

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Every community in Florida's rural interior has two churches, and both are filled up every weekend. There is a different approach at both churches, as one preaches that there ain't no hell, while the other preacher has the opposite view, as he says "the hell there ain't.”

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I am always getting clothes as a present. I have enough clothes — just give me the money, and my size is easy to remember, extra large.

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Going to fancy eateries, you know that you are in for a big bill if the menu has a tassel on it, and the pepper mill is longer than your arm.

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Down at the M&M Restaurant, this codger came up to my table, ranting about all the changes in Sussex, cinching his arguments with the announcement, "Our local politicians think Sussex has to grow to be successful. Just look what happened in New York City.”

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