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What I am thinking of doing is to truly retire soon and live off my savings. However, I have not figured out what I will live on next week.

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According to some of these college kids, they have figured it out that there are 24 hours in a day and also 24 bottles of beer in a case, and according to their calculations, it is not a coincidence.

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A true baseball fan is one who has it all figured out about what "an end of an inning means" — it is exactly the time to have a snack, and or a beer ... times nine.

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While we are talking about snacks and beer ... too much of both make you lean, as you lean against a table as the room revolves around in a circle.

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I had to go down to the Sussex Village Hall to do some volunteer work in the Sussex Museum. All of a sudden I realized I had left my car keys in the car, so I ran out to the parking lot, and, dang-it, the car had been stolen.

There was a Sussex police officer coming through the parking lot, and I flagged him down, informing him that someone had stolen my car, and he radioed in an alert,

At this, I thought to call wife June, and confess the stupidity of leaving the car keys in the car when I parked it.

After June heard my tale of woe, she angrily yelled over the phone, "You dummy, I drove you to the village hall and then left with the car."

The next thing I heard from her was, "Fred, will you please talk to this police officer and convince him that I did not steal this car."

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In my 20s, I was with a friend at a wedding, I would poke one of my friends and announce, "You are next."

Now, I am old and go to a lot of funerals, and when I see a friend there, I give them a poke just like old times and say "You’re next."

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At my age, I must confess that throughout my life I have made a lot of mistakes, and now that I am thinking about it, it probably could be okay if I make a few more.

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