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It is property tax time right now — either pay the full amount or in three installments. I thought I would pay my taxes with a smile, but they insisted on money.

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When wife June and I were first married, we had to do a lot of stretching our dollars. This reminds me of the time she mixed hamburger with a can of tuna. She called it surf and turf.

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Down in Florida one Sunday, we went to a local church and the preacher had a big sermon against gambling. Immediately following the “no gambling” sermon was a long list of upcoming church events, which included four weddings the following Saturday.

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Last summer, when I was out rummaging, I was convinced that a lot of other people had no taste. So why was I buying stuff from them?

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The way to a happy marriage is to never forget your wife’s birthday, and never mention which one it is.

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The problem with professional football is that they don’t call a penalty on the teams with too many millionaires playing at one time.

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Our education system has broken down. What do I base this on? Well, have you ever mentally checked how people can’t do math problems?

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Many people have 10 or less items when they check out at the grocery store express lane.

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A true politician is a person who can say absolutely nothing, mean it with long convoluted sentences and conviction. What starts out as a white lie often turns out to be a double feature in technicolor.

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Everything has warning labels on nowadays. Sometimes, I really think that alcoholic beverages should have a warning like this: “This beverage can make the opposite sex look more attractive than they really are.”

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In the old days in Wisconsin, there were laws that you could not buy alcohol on Sundays. They called it “the separation of church and state.”

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