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It is getting so bad that a beginning golfer was told to keep his head down. And when he did, someone stole his golf cart.

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I go to a lot of basketball games. Recently, seated next to me was this guy who played every position on the court superbly, without making a single turnover. But they will not put down their popcorn and come out of the grandstand to demonstrate the right thing to do.

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An optimist is the guy who marries at 70 and looks for a home near a good school system

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This Sussex resident got a bill that had a notation on it: “This bill is one year old now." So he sent back a birthday card.

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When I was a newlywed with wife June, we had a division of labor, such as she made the toast and I would have to scrape it.

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And then there is the fishing story. I baited the hook for her on the pier, June cast, and caught a fish, and I took it off the hook, rebaited it continuously for a 20-minute period, as she caught fish after fish. The only reward I got out of this experience was in her excitement, fish after fish, she accidentally pushed me off the pier, and that was the end of her fishing education.

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Under the current free enterprise rules, if at first you don't succeed, you have to drop another coin into the vending machine. Likewise, there are strict rules for attaining success in life, but none of them work unless you work at them.

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Ah, December. I was born Dec. 20, and all my life it has been the giving of a combined, Christmas-birthday present. I asked my mother if I could change my birthday to June 20, but that didn't work, so 2016 was another year of something that should not be allowed to happen.

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Some people, the only thing they have saved up for a rainy day is an umbrella.

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When I was 18, I had to fill out a medical history. There was the question, "Have you ever been to a hospital." I checked "yes."  And then it asked why I had been hospitalized, and I wrote “I went to the hospital with my mother and I was born."

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